I haven’t made New Year’s resolutions in a very long time. I don’t believe in them. Life style changes can’t be made and carried out on scratch paper, they become a fart in the wind. Want proof; go to the gym and watch the masses thin out as the year progresses. I won’t shit on other’s parade though. If you do them, I have no problem with you. I’m just saying they aren’t for me.
Now, that being said, I’ve realized lately that there are some things that need to change in my life. I preach a lot of different things on different platforms. I do not practice what I preach. I once wrote a piece about being a hypocrite. Today I feel like the biggest. That must change.
I am a proud man. I am proud of the husband I’ve become, most importantly. I am proud of the father I am becoming. I can’t imagine life without my family. I am becoming more self aware on a daily basis.
There are things I need to crush in my life. Doubt being the biggest obstacle for me. It’s suffocating when you doubt everything you do. I’ve even come to the place where I doubt every word I write on this keyboard. I post things and almost immediately erase them. I have tools to handle it but I need to start deploying them.
I need to find myself. I’m feeling a little lost in this dad/student game. I’m not saying it’s not an amazing adventure. I’m just saying that ME is lost in there somewhere.
Part of an issue for me is that I really don’t have people I hang out with (one of those things I preach, surrounding yourself with good people) and I finally realized why. I am a jerky jerk. Activities that I like don’t match up with the kind of people I like… Example: I really like sports. I like watching and playing. I really don’t like a majority of men that are into sports, you know the ones. Example: I love golf. Most golfers are pretty self centered. They have to be. Not interested is Egos. Example: I really like art, poetry and other but I really don’t wanna hang out with artists (see, jerk). I don’t know where I fit, where my unique place is. I may never find it and that’s ok. At least I know that I have a place at home where I do fit in.
I am in process of setting some pretty serious goals for this coming year. (part of why I’m taking a break from social media) I believe in myself to accomplish anything. I just have to stop talking and execute for once in my fucking life. Game on.
If you support me, I appreciate you. If you have something vile to say, please see your way to the unfriend/unfollow section. I have no time for you.