I wrote this months ago and never published it. It is out of frustration. I don’t know if it’s coherent or not and I really haven’t had any of these thoughts for a while until today. I sit in front of a group of “moms” in one of my classes. They are the worst. Fuck! I wonder if any of it will change now that I have a son as well. Are there other Dad’s out there that get this?  Enjoy and laugh at my pain!

Wait, am I allowed to say “bitches.” I am unfamiliar with all of the P.c. rules of society and I’ve probably just invalidated this post and quite possibly invalidated my manhood.

I am an average white dude from the middle of the country. I haven’t had to deal with very many “isms” or “ists” in my life and I never thought I would. Well that day has come. My wife and I made the decision together to send her back to work and have me stay home. While I’m home taking care of our 19 month old, I’m also furthering my education. Walking around the grocery stores I can feel the looks. I’ve thought this far that they are more, “why isn’t he working” looks. Men are and have been the providers of families across America for many decades. That is changing. My wife’s check more than doubled mine and it made sense to not pay the outrageous daycare bill. I’ve moved past that discrimination and that’s not what this is about.

We’ve had a couple instances in the last few weeks that have upset us. Since we are not using a daycare we are always looking for events and places to take her to socialize her with other kids, very important. We found a story time group that only met once or twice a week for an hour at a time. My wife called to get more info and she was almost immediately stopped on the phone. The lady said that we couldn’t come, “this is a mommy and baby story time…” It’s fucking story time. It’s 2016. This confuses me greatly. I could see if it were a bigger get together where moms go to talk about there kids and how to deal. It’s not, it’s an hour fucking story time.

We just finished swimming lessons, which was awesome. It was two days a week for the last month. Piper learned all sorts of stuff but basically it was just water preparedness and getting over fears. In the first class P made a friend. She was a 19 month old girl that seemed to be a lot alike. Her mom made mention that she didn’t have any other friends and it would be cool if they could be. I got her number and later in the week sent her this text: “Maybe we could get the girls together at one of the parks or something for an hour or so to play.” I waited… Later, this came through, “Sounds fun but I don’t think my husband will allow me to go if it’s just you.” I just said that’s fine, whatever. Then I said that my wife would be on maternity leave soon and all of us could go. I got, “I’ll check with him and see.” I didn’t write back and let it go. I don’t want to be involved with people like that. Later that day I had to go to Baby’s R Us to pick something up and there was a giant ad hanging in the store for a stroller or something and it was for “MOM’s ON The GO…” Fuck you, Fuck all of you. That was my thought…

Gender roles are made up, which is also known as a social construct. There not real. Get Over IT.  I get the comment and question, “Now you understand how Mommy’s feel” or “How are you coping ?” I’ll tell you. I will never understand what it’s like to be Mommy. I’m daddy. I don’t get a period, have a vagina or know the pains of childbirth. How am I coping? I get to hang out with my kid, sometimes all day. I will have a bond with her that few will ever touch. I chose this road. I could still be working and be away from her for 12 hours a day but then I would be just another Dad and I don’t want to be just another Dad.

 

 

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