So, I’ve been spending a lot of time just listening. I have so many issues I am writing about and have opinions about but right now I just want to give some humor to the world. I’ve been on an incredible journey this year, inward. I’ve come to an amazing place and it’s a place where I can truly laugh at myself. Somewhere in my childhood I stopped laughing at myself and I really think it’s a huge step in someones life to know the times not to take yourself so seriously. I’ve told this story off line a few times and it gets pretty good response. I hope you enjoy. The place of this incident will not be written as I don’t know if I can be prosecuted for the following.
Many of you know that Stephanie and I went to see the Foo Fighters last week and they were amazing. I will write about them later, as I’m still processing the show. Traffic was a nightmare and we got there just before the show started. Starving; we hit the concessions. I got a vegetarian nacho plate that was comprised of chips, cheese, black beans, olives, tomatoes, lettuce and jalapenos. It was actually really good. We both had a couple beers as well. We didn’t get back to our house until 2 am and baby girl and I had an early start. My body doesn’t do after midnight anymore so of course, we were late. I ran out of the house and anyone knows that when you are late, your normal procedures are not met. I dropped Piper off at daycare and was on my way to practice. About 2 blocks away from the golf course the nachos decided to show up. I cramped up in my lower half and began the sweats. “Oh my God, this is the longest light ever.” By the time I pulled into my parking spot I really did question whether or not I could make it. Quick decision; leave the golf clubs in the trunk and run for it. I did that “try to act cool” run, the one where you show no emotions, nobody can know what’s about to happen. I turned the corner and busted through the door. Straight into the first stall and with no time to spare. I made it. For anyone that has ever had this happen the emotions of the moment are crazy. You go from shear terror of the fact that you might be headed home to get new pants, to shear relief and a strange kind of joy. I sat for a few minutes in my peace and whipped out my phone, a little “stinker tinker” time. I didn’t know what was about to happen. As I prepared myself for exit the door to the restroom swung open and my nightmare began. There were 3 to 5 that walked in. They were talking about the last hole they just played; scores and clubs hit. I held my breath and didn’t want them to get the sense that someone was in the stall. One of them pushed on the door, the lock held but just to be sure I lifted my foot as a secondary stopper. My heart was beating so hard and fast I was sure they knew. If you haven’t guessed yet, the golfers that walked in were a group from that morning’s ladies league. Yes, I was loosing my nachos in the ladies bathroom. Horrified isn’t the word. I was scared more than I’ve ever been. What if they knew? Can I be arrested for this? I could be in the paper for defiling this place. Shit.. (pun intended). I held still, I ducked the cracks of the stall so they couldn’t see my face, I lifted my feet and I had to listen to these ladies take turns tinkling in the next stall, never breaking their conversation. I kept waiting for them to start the whispering. It was probably 3 minutes but felt like an hour. I was sure they would find me. They didn’t. I quickly and quietly made my exit. I peaked out of the door, no one. I jumped out and put my hands in my pocket and did that whistle that indicates, “nothing to see here…” I’m not proud of this story but it just goes to show you what a little sleep deprivation and nachos can do…nothing good.
Have a great day everyone. Cheers and yes, I still practiced that day.