Another one of those times I was going to write an uplifting piece about my life. I was going to write about building a couple pieces of custom furniture with my father in law from scratch. Ok, so I did mostly the watching of the build but I digress. I was going to say that there hasn’t been a man in my life that has taught me build anything since my Grandfather died in the early nineties. I was going to speak about the feeling of something you made by hand hanging in your home, that you also own. I had multiple paragraphs down, paragraphs that sent tears running down my face. Tears of joy and accomplishment. I know it’s not MANLY to say that I cried but I think it’s less MANLY to not. I segued into the topic of men that don’t smile in pictures with their children, pretending to be tough. Your tough guy look is transparent. Do yourself and your family a favor and at least fake happy from time to time. I had a touching piece about finding some peace with my own Dad issues. It was sad, happy, angry, a complete page of emotion.
In the last two weeks, two friends of mine from high school lost their fathers. They were completely different men, in completely different circumstances. The things they had in common were the love of their families and the fact they left too soon. I can’t think of either family without that man standing in the middle, the patriarch. I was always jealous of my friends when we were kids. They had such awesome men to lean on, to learn from. It made me question what I had done so wrong that mine wasn’t there and didn’t seem to want to be. I have sat through many hours of therapy to sort through these emotions in my head and I’ve gotten a pretty good understanding of it. These are events that would have sent me spiraling out of control in the past. Now, I take a deep breath and understand my emotions as they come. I’m deeply saddened by these too events and I wish them the best. I would give the “anything I can do” thing but you both have amazing families around that I’m sure will take care of everything.
Rest in Peace Scott Brinkerhoff and Juan Serna. Your kids’ souls reflect your own. You did well while you were here. Cheers.