The only thing I really miss about athletics is competing. I never really liked being part of a team. I didn’t understand the concept and although it was drilled into my brain, I always thought I was smarter than the coaching.  I never really got it. How do you trust the guy next to you when he’s kind of an asshole? You just do?   I didn’t like losing and never learned how to win.  Some of my biggest disappointments are from times of great achievement. I did like practice because to me it was the ultimate competition. Going up against guys you’ve known your entire life. If I could out work, out hustle and on occasion out skill them I would most definitely feel great…nope.  These bizarre dichotomies inadvertently dripped into my golfing, personal and professional careers. I thought if I could get away from coaches, check. If I could have no teammates, check. I could succeed on my own, that box remains unchecked. What I’m realizing today is that everyone needs teammates. I apologize to all my coaches when I was a kid. I worked really hard to undermine you. I apologize to all my teammates. I gave up on you repeatedly.

Why am I writing this? I am going to reenter competition this spring and summer. Just a toe dip. Just to see how it feels. Wish me ill or wish me luck. It doesn’t matter, my conscience is clean. Does a new attitude produce new results? We’ll have to wait and see…

The afore mentioned disappointments from childhood athletics have great details. I have written about some of them before. I will try to revive some of those old posts. They are pretty good.

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