The words are more prevalent to me than ever. Over the past month or 2 I’ve been delving into my brain, my inner soul. What happened? Why did it happen? Where did the dreamer go? Where did the daring doer go? Where did the kid that stared teammates in the eyes and with impossible odds stacked against, he never stopped believing vanish off to? Where did the kid that would bust his ass all week for extra tip money so he could play in skins games with tour players go, just to get his ass kicked but come back next week? Well, I’m learning answers for sure. I’m growing as a person, kind of going through life transformation. Things are becoming lighter. The darkness is my past and will remain part of my life forever. I learn hard and I finally feel like I’m educating my spirit and soul. I’ve found passion in the depths.
This may seem like ramblings of a madman but if you’re close to me, you may understand the significance of this post. You see at some point in my life I felt worthless, a waste. And then all of the sudden, BAM, you’re almost 40. You’re life is over, cash out dude. I’ve never been this happy to say anything. I DON’T FEEL THAT WAY ANY MORE. The mistake I made. I would burry everything. Burry my past. Burry my emotions. Burry my disappointment in myself. Bottle, bottle, bottle and wham, inner implosion. I started believing my own negative hype. Well, it’s out and instead of burying and ignoring, I deal. You see, EVERYTHING you do, EVERYTHING you think, EVERYONE you wrong, ALL of your past finds the little nooks and crannies in your brain. It’s there, no matter how you try to ignore it and somehow it will find it’s way out and probably not in a healthy manner. If you feel like this. Get help. Talk about it. Find someone. Figure it out. I’m here if you need. Please reach out. It feels lonely but there are people that care, even in the darkest times, there are people that understand.
You thought this was going to be another, “I’m good at golf” blog. Well, it’s much more than that. And if golf gets better, which it will, as a side affect of mental, physical and spiritual improvement, so be it. I’m finally living. Sorry for being a little preachy this morning…..no, no I’m not.
Post script. That’s what PS stands for, did you know that. The age thing. Try to tell the climbers that free climbed the Dawn Wall of El Cap in Yosemite that they’re too old, 30 and 36 respectively. Try to tell Steve Stricker that he was too old to have a career. Age shouldn’t affect dreams. Go big!!!!