I’ve wanted to write this for some time and I have reached out to a couple of you already. If I haven’t yet, I will. Some of you will read this on here and some won’t. If you are close to one of my relatives that this is aimed at, I ask politely if you will please share.
I’m sorry. I apologize from the bottom of my heart. Not a day goes by that I don’t regret not being a bigger influence in your lives. I think about the hurts you’ve been through. I agonize about the pain you’ve felt. I torture myself inside for not being there. I think about how much of you I’ve missed. I left town and I left you behind. Some of you have done fine and I am proud of all of you for surviving but I cannot help thinking about if there was anything I could have done to make things different. Our family is a bit disjointed and I’m unfortunately not very close with your parents, my brothers and sisters. I regret this as well. I’m haunted at the idea that there might have been something I could have done or words I could have said to change Tammy’s life. I’ll never know………. I’m so sorry I didn’t try…… One of my biggest regrets in life is not being closer to her and my other siblings.
Some of you are now parents and are great in your own ways. I implore you, I beg you to not let your own family walk “our” path. Be close. Don’t let a day go by without loving one another. You are each other’s greatest allies. Lean on your family, for I never learned how.
The best thing I can do now is to try and build on my estranged family relationships and continue the path I am on. I hope my life can act as an example for the next generation. You can be whatever you want to be. You don’t have to settle just because of where you come from or who your parents are. And it’s never too late!! I love you guys and want you to know that I am in fact here for you. If you ever need an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on or even a couch to getaway on; my family is your family. Don’t hesitate.
PS… There’s much more I want to write but this is all I can muster for a public forum and all my emotions can take this morning… I’ll be in touch.