I sat alone on the rocks. I wasn’t really alone though, I had the demon siting next to me, half a bottle of Jack and the cold handle of a pistol gripped tightly to keep me brutal company. I’ve thought about that night every day. Every day of my life I’ll have to think about that night. My mind felt like I was trapped on an airport runway but the airplanes were evil; taunting at every take off. It was well past midnight, not a soul in sight and the waves gently crashed on the moonlit shore; a truly peaceful environment but inside was the loudest noise I’d ever heard. I just wanted to be part of that peace. I’ve told this story many times and will continue to tell it. I’ve dissected all the details of that night and have tried to conjure a reason why. I’ve led expeditions deep into my mind, into my soul. At this point I can only say that today I am so happy. I am so happy I didn’t pull that trigger. I am continuing to mine the facts of who I am and what makes me tick. Scratching the surface and having some major break throughs has never been more satisfying. There was a point in my young life I remember thinking, “I’m not going to live to see 40, so who cares…” Turns out, a lot of people care and now I want to live a long life. You can “change your stars” or at least change the way you look at them; it’s a difficult process but not impossible.

I want to take a second and congratulate Christina Kim on her victory, she hadn’t won  in nine years on the LPGA Tour. Her story and mine are not all that different. It does me well to see someone overcome and fight on. I will admit and if she sat here with me I would tell her of my previous distaste for her style, I was not a fan. But I would also tell her that she lives inspiration for others like us and for that I have become a fan and am very grateful that she’s telling her story openly. If you are not a golf fan this is a good start to her story, please check it out:

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/11/21/sports/golf/christina-kim-feeling-better-after-battling-depression-is-revving-up-at-lpga-tour-championship.html?_r=0

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