I’m supposed to automatically say that I am a proud father. When I sit and think about this little miracle; yes I am proud to say that I had 50% to do with that. Stephanie is becoming an amazing Mom that any baby would be lucky to have. My role in this play has really been in the “yet to be determined” category. Sure, I’m there. I change diapers at will; quickly too. I feed the little bug; when Mom’s too tired. My best moments during the week are just coming home and cuddling with her. The strange thing that is happening is that I’m seeing the Man I want to be in her eyes. Little things; like the fact that I really don’t want to go to class in 30 minutes but I think, she’s going to want to skip school some day and beg and I’ll remember this moment or generalized moment at least. I will go to class. I will show my little girl that it’s possible to be someone. It’s possible to be something other than just a salesman, a burnout. It’s starting to catch everything else in my life on fire as well. I want to feel better. I want to not feel the dark strangling me from inside anymore. I want to vanquish that demon forever. I want to find the spirit that I once almost touched, my source that eludes me. I will find you.  I want to be physically stronger, gym time. I need to make a different plan, something I can’t just walk away from, maybe a work out buddy. I want to cook more. I am a great home chef and my wife deserves more of it and I want the little one to know it! I want to work on my game; some kind of weird greatness still lurks inside. “You lost your swing. We just gotta go find it…”  At the end of the day; I will be that guy. I never quite understood why some people have kids and completely fall apart. All I want to be is an inspiration for her. So the question remains, “am I a proud father?” Yes and I will be. That’s a interesting dichotomy for you to digest. Thanks.

Baby humor: the baby doctor said the “c” word the other day and I can’t for the life of me spell colic with four letters, because it should be 4. Ok, so colic is not funny but I know that we will get through it. I’m remembering one of the best pieces of advice that I got from a younger father a couple months ago. He said that his father in law told him, “on bad nights, you know the ones where you want to throw the baby out the window, your wife out the window or even yourself out the window, remember this… The days are long but the years are short…” So we hang in there and try the next thing. Ideas are welcome but we are quickly dwindling through the list of cures…

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