I used to believe that the only meaning in life was that there is no meaning…then I witnessed my wife do something extraordinary and met my daughter. I still struggle with my thoughts on a daily basis and continue to try and make sense of a world that allows human atrocities to occur. Bad people live and great people leave too early or do great people even exist; maybe we’re not suppose to understand. But in her eyes I catch a glimpse of why I must learn to be great (is this the God you speak of?); I must figure myself out and rise from overly burnt ashes. She’s going to learn the term “Why?” someday and I wish to have answers. Why has Daddy lived so many lives? Why has Daddy had so many opportunities and failed? Who is Daddy? I wish answers that inspire and not answers that leave her with more questions. Answers that allow her to live peacefully and not tormented. I have questions still; questions I never got answered. I’m in the process of emptying my brain into the “out loud” and digging deep into the past. I will admit that it’s not very fun but necessary, necessary to make my family whole. I apologize for being somewhat vague and not specific; I hate it when I read someone post “FML or Life sucks or worst day of my life” and don’t follow up with details. How do I expect comfort? I don’t really. I’ve built a little bit of a readership on here and realized that there are giant gaps in my posts. I don’t expect that anyone in the world would go ,”he hasn’t written in some time, what’s the deal?” But just in case I felt obligation to let you in, just a little. Full time blogging will commence someday but for now it takes a back seat to life. I must live.
Thanks for your understanding and continued support.