For those of you that are read up in my blog life, you’ll remember a blog about me becoming homeless for 45 days. This took place in Summer of 2000, I think. Well, the St. Patrick’s day before this probably marks the middle to beginning of the downward slide. I’ll shorten the story for your busy live’s-sake. I lived in Lakeside California, it’s in the east county of San Diego. I happened to have the St. Patricks’s night off and the next day. I decided I was going to party at the bar that I had been recently terminated from, that’s another story. Anyways, being on a very destructive path, I got to the bar early and had a pitcher of green beer, to warm things up. Then I decided to play Rolodex roulette. In that bar, they had a physical “old school” Rolodex of drink recipes. The roulette part is the bartender spinning the cards in front of me, I enter my finger into the cards and she mixes the drink it lands on. After about an hour, a few drinks of various liquor, the party was beginning. The last thing I remember that night was telling the bartender, who is a good friend, “do not let me drive home tonight.”
I woke up the next morning in my bed. All I could think was please don’t let it be there but when I opened the blinds, it was. My car was parked in my spot, kind of crooked. I drove over a half an hour, on an interstate and didn’t recall any of it. Later that day I went down to go to the store and got a truly awful surprise. The dash and driver-side door was covered in projectile vomit. I could not believe what I had done. After getting sick from the smell and sight, I laid in my bed. How dumb could I be? How could I make it all the way home? Then I had to deal with friends calling me and telling me stories. I would love to say that was the last time I ever drank and drove home. It was the last time blacking out and driving.
I look back at stories like this from my past and I take a few things. 1.) I survived somehow. This story is just one or many. Statistics would say that I should either be dead or in jail. Neither. 2.) Why do I live on? So many on my friends have not. I’ve known so many people that have been affected by drunk driving, depression or chemical addiction. I’ve been through all of this, seemingly unscathed.
The only thing that I can think of is that I live on to help people, to send a message. I think the message is this. If you are a young person, teens to early twenties and you are struggling. If you are depressed. If you are drinking too much. If you have multiple personal problems. Hang on. Don’t quit on yourself. You can get through it. Even when it feels like the end and you can’t see any light, hang on. Remove yourself from bad situations. Don’t be afraid to move geographically. Surround yourself with positive people and energy. You know the difference. Quit making excuses.
If you really don’t think you can move on, look to me for an example of survival. I’ve been the the darkest corners and lowest of lows. I came out on the other side. Now, well over ten years later I can’t wipe the smile off my face. I have a great circle and with the help of this, my circle grows. Hard work comes easy now. I love my life. You will be able to say this some day, you just have to “Hold On.”
Happy St. Patrick’s Day everyone! Celebrate responsibly!