You ever build someone up in your mind? Putting someone up high and saying to yourself, “that’s the kind of guy I want to be.” Then in one sentence, one action or one post online they completely let you down. It always irritates me. I don’t and never have had a lot of male role models to look up to in my life. The list has grown in the last 10 years but the let downs increase as well. A good example of this was a little over 10 years ago when I worked at Stone Creek Golf Club in Phoenix. I worked with this guy that had overcome a lot in his life. He was older and had a disability but still came to work with the youngsters, supplementing his income. He never complained and always worked hard. On our last day of working together, an entire year later, we were walking to the parking lot saying our goodbyes. We had found some golf balls that day and went to split them up. I had a couple sleeves of Nike balls and went to give him one. He pushed them back and said, “Oh no, I don’t play that Niger’s ball…” Those were the last words I heard from him. I sat in my car for nearly an hour. I had worked with this man a few days a week for almost a year and had no idea he was a complete bigot. I felt like an idiot. There are so many stories just like this one in my life of people letting me down. I think it really started to rub off on me and I started letting people down. Not so much with my words but it was my actions that I am not proud of. The hardest part of life is when you fuck something up and make heartfelt apologies to old friends and someone doesn’t accept it.

Anyways, it never stops. I have a friend right now that is a complete idiot posting things online that are very distasteful. I look up to this person and don’t know if this is just me being sensitive or what. People piss me off man!!