I actually played golf on Sunday. It was bad. Whole new level of bad. The crazy thing is that on the front nine I hit is god awful and still only shot 39. Short game wizardry has never been an issue. So, what is the issue? After many, many years I think I’ve got it rangled. My brain goes through this crazy process and it’s the same every time I tee it up. Step 1: on the range I warm up pretty good. I strike it clean. I shape shots. I am confident. Step 2: on the putting green I’ve completely dialed in the speed of the greens, again confident. Step 3: the first tee shot is usually pretty good (Sunday it was not, this would be the only outlier of this process). As matter of fact, I usually bomb the first shot. Step 4: Somewhere in the first 4 holes, I hit a couple awful shots. Feel is gone. I abandon my routine. I start fighting with my grip. I try to hit a shot that I zero chance of being successful with. Step 5: I grind to the end of nine holes and have some positive self talk that the back nine will be different. Step 6: One of my tee shots on 10 or 11 ends up in a bad spot and I start to question everything. Step 7: I have zero confidence by now and start trying to just “get it in.” Trying to play a managed game and steer it around. My score grows. Step 8: I give up on myself. This will be my last round of golf. Step 9: I calm down and hit a few really quality shots coming in. Step 10: handshake, pretend like I enjoyed the day (actually did have a lot of fun, other than the golf) and start the process of self-evaluation.

I believe that I am bipolar and a little bit on the crazy side. I’ve acknowledged it in every part of my life. When I start to get a little nuts, I air it, get it out of my system and move on. internalizing and bottling up of emotion being the enemy. I have a load of talent. I just have to figure out a new mental process if I’m ever going to play to the level that I want. This is golf echoing life. The games just lagging behind at this moment. I’m sure eventually it will catch up.