Day 8 and the rest of the week:

Took off from work a little early today. When I arrived home I went straight to the gym and got on the treadmill. I stayed there for about an hour. Walk, run, jog, run, walk, over and over, while my mind wandered.

I’m headed home tomorrow to say goodbye to my sister. Sheridan Wyoming holds a lot of emotion for me. It is where I grew up, the area anyway. It’s where I learned outdoor skills, how to be tough, how to work hard and play even harder. I have an epic love/hate relationship with my hometown. When I was growing up I was a member of a ton of sports teams. Most the teams I was on were either great or horrible, never in the middle. The hard part for me was the successful teams I was involved with, I hardly played, at most I was a role player, never a star. When I was the star of said teams, we sucked, or I sucked. For example, playing little-guy football; the first year I was on the team we didn’t lose, undefeated, champions,  I never saw the field. The next year I was the starting quarterback, we lost every game. I took this very personal. I understood that it was just a game, but it meant more to me. I was on a championship baseball team once as a young teen. During the championship game I struck out 4 times, I couldn’t hit a curve ball and Mr Toth knew it, oh yeah I still remember. We won the game and the trophy but I remember a couple of guys on the team making comments about my performance, it hurt so bad I did not celebrate with them at Pizza Hut. On to high school, we won a state championship game in basketball, my name is on the banner but I never saw the court. As a senior, I had one chance to hit a game winner for the conference title, the ball went in…came out and the obvious hero tipped it in. We won, I lost, all I remember was my broken finger and a harsh questioning from my head coach about shooting when I shouldn’t. And on and on and on and on. On the outside I was a confident teenager, on the inside I was insecure. There are a bunch of factors that add up to that insecurity, not just sports, but I can’t help but wonder, “what if just once, I could have been the hero, won the game…?” My lack of self-confidence blinded me to the great things that surrounded me. Great friends, experiences and family. At least I can recognize that now, look back, reminisce and not feel bad about it. It’s pretty cool that as an adult I’m still learning life lessons from my childhood, better late than never.

Advertisements